On love making and tantric sex in modern life

Love Making and Intimacy

In this article, I share what I feel would be the basic information that lovers - on a spiritual path - need to know in order to feel fulfilled and satisfied in their intimate moments. It is not an easy transition to go from automatic mode, socially learned sexual behaviors fed by pornography and the elders, the peer groups - to go towards a mindful, elevated approach to love making. How to combine the spiritual and the worldly? How to make sense of our deepest desires and what makes us feel aroused, what activates our kundalini (vital, life force energy)? What to do with the domination-submission patterns? What is shadow - what is light? We shall try to address all this in this article.

1. What is Love Making?

To me, love making is any kind of interaction that involves two or more people and their auric fields. Intertwining our energies - even from a distance - is love making; imagining to make love with our partner is love making; having our senses alert and open to our lover’s energy is love making; listening to sensual music or lyrics and sharing it with our loved one is love making; moving our bodies - laying or even standing - in sensual ways and barely touching each other is love making.

In the Access Consciousness™ typology, we talk about five categories of intimate interaction: sexualness, sexuality, sensualness, copulation, and sexe. I highly encourage you to expand your semantics around the subject if you want to open your world to a new experience in the art of love making. https://www.access-consciousness-blog.com/2010/11/how-many-words-do-we-need-for-sex/

2. Love Typologies

We all have specific typologies due to the elements that compose our bodies (called Doshas in Ayurveda). We humans (especially women) are different every day, and we feel, smell, react, and want different things every day - and this changes even by the hour sometimes.

Our astrological birth chart will reveal a lot about the way we behave in love. For that, we’ll be looking at planets like Venus, Mars, House 7, House 5, Rising, Sun, Mercury, the position of Saturn, Jupiter, and Moon in our charts. For more details on the feminine aspects, we can also look closer into asteroids. https://getmaude.com/blogs/themaudern/the-astrology-of-sex-love

Ayurveda will give us some information too, according to our predominant “Dosha” (element). A Vata person (has more AIR), Pita (has more FIRE), and Kapha (has more EARTH). For a Vata woman, a Kapha man will bring grounding and depth, whereas a Pita man will bring the fire, the passion. A Vata person will be more in his/her head, in his/her fantasies. A Pita man will be more into genitals and needy to come. It is interesting to understand our constitution to bring more balance in our typology and get more satisfaction in the intercourse.

So if we know that our partner is a Pita, for example, and we are Vata, it is interesting to inform him that we need to have more foreplay in the head, a lot of intellectual arousal, mental activation. He, on the other hand, needs to slow down, breathe more through the nose for a more subtle apprehension to reality through his senses; he needs to deepen his connection with the body, with her body, and play.

A Vata woman loves to play, to listen, to be guided. She will have some fantasies of her own, but she will be more thinking of them than actually taking action. More happens in her head and the scenarios than the actual physical pleasure. So lower your voice to its warmest and most seductive tone, take her hand and kiss her gently. Start to make love with her through your words. Tell her how nice it is to be with her. Tell her how much you missed her today. How relaxed and happy it feels to be together again. Something like “You bring happiness/sparkle/joy etc. into my life” generally has a special and overwhelming effect. Relive the moments when you first met. Be playful and even childish as this will help you overcome any inhibitions and tensions accumulated during the day. Remember the most beautiful moments you shared, without forgetting the comic situations or delicate moments. Laughter makes you feel closer, more intimate, and less tense.

For more information on sex and the doshas, read here: https://www.purushaayurveda.com/articles/2015/7/14/sex-and-your-dosha

3. Play and Foreplay

Love making starts a few hours before the actual encounter. It starts the night before or in the morning if you meet at night. To be very clear, the longer the seduction game, the more intense the pleasure. The build-up is certainly something that helps in certain cases. Love making is best when we are in full energy. It is a bad idea to start intercourse when exhausted. We really need all our senses to be alert and have some physical stamina to have the full experience of the sexual pleasure. All senses alert and sparkling. Some lovers prefer night, some prefer daytime; it allows the pair to have a break in the day, reconnect in a special way, and make it important and not just an evening thing we do before going to bed. Make it a sacred moment. Maybe even sacralize it with special scents and music. Prepare a special playlist for love making according to your mood: slow sex or kinky sex, club sex or mystical sex, to name a few. Usually, lovers go to bed for love making. However, some people prefer sitting and being out of the bedroom (that is kept as the relaxing, sleeping zone). Find a corner in your house that is neutral and that you can modify to a “nest.” Maybe a carpet or the sofa, or around the kitchen table. Being out of the usual context is very arousing too. Speaking about totally other subjects while being very sexy in behavior can also be a good start to trigger sexual attention.

4. Tantric Love Making and the Four Sexual Archetypes

There are four main archetypes that are connected to love: Venus, Neptune, Mars, and Pluto. The Mother, the Virgin, the Slut, and the Witch. Women experience them all in their period cycle (see Miranda Gray for her work on the Lunar cycles in "Red Moon”), but we can also recognize them in sex. The Slut and the Witch would be closer to Pluto and his dark magnetic energies of inferno, that encompass sado-masochistic behaviors, pain, gain, luxury, and all kinds of sins. https://sexcoachu.com/sexual-archetype/

Why do some couples use pornography to get aroused? It stimulates the senses and creativity when the partners are a little tired but want to enjoy each other's bodies for some sexual release of tensions. Some people don't need visual activation and will prefer the senses. Some have been so used to it that they will get most of their arousal when stimulated visually. There are different categories in porn websites that can suit any kind of needs. However, this has nothing to do with tantric love making.

In tantra, we experience from our senses. It is best to have some kind of a ritual to stimulate our own chakras (energy centers of the body) then align all chakras to those of the partner. This can be done through meditation, sitting, or laying down side by side. In this article, the author walks you step by step through a meditation to open to the sacred space of love making. https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/tantra-meditation-chakra-couples-before-lovemaking-satyarthi-prateek/

5. Desire vs. Security

As Esther Perel, the famous love coach, puts it, there is an inverted correlation between desire and security. What she means is that as the couple gets closer and becomes more intimate, reveals more of their secrets, and is less of a mystery to the other, therefore the level of sexual tension and desire lowers. Her conclusion is that we need to keep a sense of mystery and unknown, secrets in the couple's life, so as to keep it alive and kicking. This can be done by surprising your loved one and changing your style for a night, or wearing a wig (a bit cliché but fun too); being creative helps. So does meeting outside of the house, in a public space, or a hotel room. It can also be going to discover something new together or do something new together so as to discover a new part of your loved one. Newness is the attractive factor according to Perel.

6. Polygamy, Polyamory, and Open Relationships

Finally, we could not end this article without mentioning this very modern trend. Recent research has shown that a factor that used to be so exciting to numerous men (to have multiple sex partners) is actually a burden in the end. Apparently, polyamory is a very tiring and draining constellation that has fewer benefits than the monogamous relationship. Men have a hard time pleasing and comforting one woman; imagine several. It triggers jealousy and more dissatisfaction than joy and happiness. As for polygamy, it is the heritage of a socio-political strategy of repopulating certain tribes and conquering more land. It has a very heavy economic impact on the man, so it is less and less seen in the modern world.